mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
