How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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