I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
