I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
