just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
