did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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