I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
