Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
