I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
