So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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