my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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