I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
