I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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