My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
