My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
