I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
