I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
