Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
