if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
