Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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