I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
false alarm, still single
Randomize
