There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
