so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
