I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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