im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
