Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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