Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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