Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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