You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to align my fucking chakras
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
