"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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