We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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