I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
