and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
