I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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