OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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