I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
