I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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