Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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