I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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