i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
