can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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