I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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