Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
