So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
