You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
