yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
