Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well you can't waste a boner
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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