I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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