Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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