i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
