There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
