the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
