there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
