This is not my ceiling
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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