when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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