i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
