Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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